I am not a loner. Like anyone, I sometimes need time to be alone, but given the choice to be alone or be with someone, I will almost always opt for the company. I would rather watch a movie, watch TV, go to a party, go to a concert or go eat with other people. Going alone into social situations honestly scares me to death. I need a safety net of people I know. . . what if I walk in to the party and I don't know anyone? I don't mind being alone in some situations- sleeping, lounging, working out. I just don't want to be alone all the time.
A few weeks ago, I got free pass for two to see a screening of a movie. I got the pass late on the day before the screening and on the day of the screening I started to look for someone to come with me. I couldn't find a single person to come to the FREE movie with me. My friends were busy, working, out of town. I decided to go to the movie on my own. It was a movie that I really wanted to see (Martian Child with John Cusack) and I didn't want to pass up the chance to see a free movie (I really hate paying for movies- five years working in a theater can spoil a person). I loved the movie, but I hated watching it alone.
Tonight I could have gone to a concert in Boulder. A friend of mine was supposed to go with me, but cancelled at the last minute. I thought of a lot of reasons to not go to the concert- I didn't want to drive to Boulder, I have to get up early for work tomorrow, I don't really have the money. The truth is, I don't want to go alone.
In a few months, I will be leaving for the Peace Corps and living- alone- in a strange new country. If I can't even drive to Boulder alone, how am I going to survive being alone for two years?
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3 comments:
You will survive because you won't actually be alone. You will meet people there, make friends, and develop a new tribe to keep you company. I know this because I have been "the new kid" many time in my life - and if I can overcome my domineering, overbearing personality and make new friends, ANYone can! :)
I know. . . last night was just a mixture of nerves, lonlieness and fear all rolled into one little pity party. I've been on my own before and been fine and I will this time too. . . thanks for your support :)
I'm like this, too. Even though I knew a lot of people before moving back to Denver and I had J with me, I felt very alone for several months before I found my groove. It's funny how the presence of people doesn't necessarily abate loneliness.
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